Sensual swelling (disease)

You are a 29 year old (insert gender here lol) who has just recently discovered the existence of a new disease... by watching TV... well, now you get to avoid people who are infected! Or... are you already infected? (If so, please say something along the lines of 'you feel a warm feeling in your groin'. Good luck and have fun! Note: this scenario is inspired by 'the tails of bloat', but it is not a carbon copy.